Summer Dreams + Confessions

So. For me, every summer is the same. I say that the summer will be different and that I will have the time of my life. That I’ll hang out with friends and go places and become a better me. Really though, none of that happens. I lead a very boring life. What actually happens each and every summer is that people I called or believed were my friends ditch me and I sit at home with my grandparents in a very hot house.

This leads to the dreaming; that someone will want to hang out with me. That someone from school will see me spinning my flag outside or laying on the ‘fake hammock’ and stop and talk. This too never happens. Even if it did occur somewhere outside my head I know I wouldn’t know what to do. I would still be my awkward self.

Still though, I have certain expectations for each summer. Some of these expectations include: a few bonfires with marshmallow roasting, green bean eating, corn on the cob, going to the lake a couple times, tanning, spinning at colorguard/band camp, sweating until I can’t sweat no more. A well rounded summer. But I always want more. I want to spend time with people other than my blood relatives. I want crowded events and shopping and laughs. Is that too much to ask? It seems so.

I honestly wish that I had someone to spend time with who cared what I thought. Instead, I end up stalking my so-called friends on social media websites. How very antisocial they really become. If only I had a family of do-ers instead of a family perfectly content sitting in a chair watching television. But don’t get me wrong; I do like television. I can’t get enough of Grey’s Anatomy and as you would know if you read my Am I A Minnow post. It just... isn’t enough in the end, though. Not for me.

Well, I guess that would be confession number one then. Another confession is in order. As you can probably infer by the above, I am not the most confident gal, quite the opposite actually. I have days when all I want to do is lay on my bed and cry. Sometimes I do. Although, despite this feeling of negativity I do experience time and again, I try really hard to not show how uncomfortable or nervous I am. I want to portray that I am a confident person who knows where she is going in life. Often, I believe, that others give you the confidence you need; I know this is true in my life. Sometimes I need someone else to believe in me before I can believe in myself. What about you. How do you feel about yourself?

Stating that, I do not like the saying “If you don’t believe in yourself, how do you expect anyone else to believe in you”. I won’t hear a word of it. I refuse.

With all that said, if you enjoyed this type of post subscribe, leave a comment, and like this. Personally, I enjoyed writing and sharing this so I hoped you took the time to read it all. See you all later. :)